If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
