So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
