You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
