my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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