Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
