I cannot find my penis.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
