then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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