he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I want to fling myself into the sun
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
