I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
