after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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