And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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