We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
