Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
