she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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