Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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