Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
