I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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