During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
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she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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