Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Terrible idea I love it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
