We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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