I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
