I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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