Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(613): View more from Ontario

no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.

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(410): View more from Maryland

These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.

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If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Read it at the TFLN blog
(760): View more from California

Why is your vibrator in the fridge?

(1-760): View more from California

I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.

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(386): View more from Florida

Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.

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(970): View more from Colorado

We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.

(303): View more from Colorado

Dude, its January.

(970): View more from Colorado

We're going to do the voices too.

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(713): View more from Texas

Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.

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