no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.