Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.

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(417): View more from Missouri

My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.

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(718): View more from New York

We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.

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(907): View more from Alaska

The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.

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25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Read it at the TFLN blog
(712): View more from Iowa

Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.

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(831): View more from California

Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.

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(765): View more from Indiana

So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.

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