its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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