I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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