There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out