I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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