In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
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This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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