i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
