you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
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I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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