Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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