I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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