She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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