i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
