He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
