These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
