oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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