People in love make me want to vomit
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
