Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
this is an emotional support booty call
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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