guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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