The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
