Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
