Do vagina's smell?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
