i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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