Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
