at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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