ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
