Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
