he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
