smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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