ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
