I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
