you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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