omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
