I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
