some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
