For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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