You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
