We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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