I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
