I hate your face
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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