I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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