Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
