i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This is my gift to your gina
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize