what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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