a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
