my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
