OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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