he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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