whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
